Dating Story #3

This is going to sound super weird but this started of as a mini-interest since he had a girlfriend, and I met him through her... (they are exes now).... Anyway let's refer to him as Ben. I probably sound bad from the first sentence with what I have mentioned. Let me rephrase, I never pursued this guy in that way till long after they have broken up.

This one started off different (or weird??) because it didn't blossom ordinarily... I first met Ben through his ex in high school. He is two years older, and he was already in college by the time we have met. His ex was his first girlfriend, and he really loved her... I have been through it with him as a friend through their fights, breaking up in a supportive manner through online chatting. It wasnt until years later in 2020, after COVID had hit, I have randomly started to talk to him again through a real coincidence, and as a person whom host yearly birthday celebration, I was forced to move the celebration to online as virtual birthday zoom celebration, which ended up working pretty well with some planning.

We connected and basically talked everyday for the remainder of the year (or at least up to November (will explain more into detail later).. It was only when the rules loosen a bit, I have finally allowed myself to go see some of my friends in late August, and that included him too. I was in school in Kitchener-Waterloo at the time, and I only come back to Markham on breaks or sneakily came back to meet friends that were here. It was only when October and November came around, things started to pick up again. I started to meet him more frequently (or as much as I can). Unfortunately, with strict parents and school, I can only see him once in awhile... (my parents were strict up till now, so that definitely hadnt change that much).

I remember sneaking out through a walk with Freddie to see him at the Angus Glen Park, where we took sweet pictures, and he was into Snapchat, which somehow got me roped into using snapchat for awhile and that made us got into an exchange of pictures for while. I also remember we went on a double date with my friend and her boyfriend at the time. That was great, and it was also the moment where we shared some special moments: like warming my hands in his pockets, holding hands, him helping me win a plushie that I want...Our next meeting was the next day where we have done a full day of activities including archery, wood picking, and a movie at his place... I ended up sleeping over (my first night staying at a guy's place), but all we did was cuddling throughout the night. I was reading the stuff I wrote before, and felt somewhat weirded out... We went on a hike the next day, chasing each other, holding hands, and taking pictures together like a real couple... Even had a weird moment with meeting his mom in the morning... Then it was time for me to go home, thats when things shifted. We stopped talking everyday, or at least less frequently... He asked to jump on a call on the weekend, and he decided to focus on his "career" so it was not there anymore. My friend, seeing how much I suffered, have called him for me instead, which totally ruined our chances anymore... That is when he went off distant afterwards to give some space between us, I still tried to contact him up till the end of the year and even sent him a physical Christmas card...

Looking back, maybe that was not the best choice at the time, but I was still trying to savour what I can. This had been one of those that changed me internally and made me scared to get physically close to someone, or it just made me think everything is physical without an emotional component to it. Also, it was already hard fo me to express my feelings, and this move from my friend however nice, made me scared to speak up more. I have recovered from this one, but at the time, it felt like it really hurted at the time, and made me shy away from dating for 2 years... And that caused me to land another situationship... (or breadcrumbing)... These stories are far from over, here's to more of my healing journey through these expressions.