Diet, Exercise and Mood

After losing about 10kg on the scale and with half a year of restricting and "dieting", with so much voices around me telling me what to do or how to do it. I really just wanted to listen to my own voice which is so much harder than I thought it would be. So, today I officially broke down and had so much food... Tbh I felt it coming in the upcoming days, it was like a head-on warning sign... It was looming yesterday and officially it rained today...I ate so much that I didnt eat much at the proper dinner. Ive loaded myself up on carbs and felt like my heaviest. I just feel such unsuccessful not being able to complete the plans, so I push myself time and time again with items like that.. Plus, with some person to talk to or talk through things was helpful throughout the first half of the year, not it just felt good to be with someone like that who listens but also good to have someone who listens and don't judge. I just want to live with no guilt, I want to be free, I want to be my messy self without anyone judging. The toxic energy have been back once again now that I am with my anxious parents... I am proud of how far I came so I am not about to give up but I just feel like I need to take a much needed rest at the moment away from this energy.

It might just sound like random rumbling, but it is how I process things in a way without bothering anyone about it, because another opinion is what I dont need, sometimes I just need a listening ear.